Loving Your In-Laws

Years ago I remember my sister-in-law saying that she was happy that her parents and her in-laws lived 13 hours apart.  I could not understand why that made her happy, because she lived near her in-laws and far from her family.  She explained that when they go to Idaho for Thanksgiving or Christmas, they do not have to share the holiday with both families.  It was not until I was married and my husband and I had the decide, "Where will we spend this holiday" that I understood her comment.  With both families living close to us, this is what we argued about for years.

In Genesis 2:24 it says "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave unto his wife".   Elder Marvin J Ashton clarified the meaning of this scripture.  He said "Certainly a now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness, protection,comfort and total support, but in leaving father, mother and other family members it was never intended that now they be ignored, abandon, shunned, or deserted.  They are still family, a great source of support.....Wise parents, whose children have left to start their own families, realize that their family role still continues, not in a realm of domination, control, regulation, supervision or imposition, but in love, concern and encouragement".

It is so important that as husband and wife we learn to lean on each other.  I have been fortunate to have in-laws who have never tried to get involved in my marriage in a way that would come between my husband and I.  They may have different opinions than I do, but they have never tried to come in between my husband and I.  I love them dearly, and they have always support our little family.  In the beginning of our marriage we lived about 5 minutes from them, but did not see them much.  After we had been married for 10 years we moved 4 1/2 hours away from both families, and as hard as it was to live that far away from them, it was such a good decision.  We learned to lean on each other even more and never felt that either family was budding in.  Both families were encouraging with our move, because it meant a better job for my husband.

James M. Harper dean of Family Life at BYU said "It is important for parent-in-laws to find ways to personally build a relationship with their children-in-laws as individuals.  Often interactions are with the newly married couple or the larger family group, rather than the individuals.  Mother-in-laws might consider inviting the daughter-in-laws for a lunch then work toward a balance of self-disclosure and  acceptance in the conversation.  Father-in-laws could do something individually with their son-in-laws, again with the purpose of building a positive, accepting relationship". Our children have seen the relationship that both my husband and I have had with our in-laws, and I hope when it is time from them to settle down and get married, they can use this example in their marriage.  My husband and I have often talked about sharing our children with the other in-laws, and I pray that I can use the example of my in-laws, to be the best I can.